“Getting my kid to take a bath or do homework used to require negotiation skills usually reserved for hostage situations… until I invented a cast of fictional characters who actually get her to cooperate: Bathtime Beti, Showertime Sherri, The Inspector, and Tutor Teri—the dream team of parenting hacks.”

My daughter does not have a speedy bone in her body. Sometimes getting her to do the necessary things—baths, showers, homework—is like trying to herd a small, adorable, stubborn snail.

Enter my most genius parenting hack of all time.

Years ago, during bath time, I found myself talking to her in an Indian accent. And just like that, Bathtime Beti was born.

Beti is a totally fictional character who magically appears in children’s houses in the evening to speed up bath time. Older, kids grown and moved out, spunky. And guess what? Pure gold. My daughter enjoys talking to Bathtime Beti even more than me.

Whenever my daughter requests her, “I” exit stage left, only to re-enter as Bathtime Beti. It’s practically theater, but with bubbles.

Eventually, she graduated to showers. Naturally, Bathtime Beti needed a friend: Showertime Sherri. A southern belle with a high ponytail and yellow bandana, she calls you “Sugah,” loves to bake, and hates the cold weather. She also offers excellent unsolicited advice, because why not?

Of course, my daughter’s room is always messy—she inherited this trait from no one, I swear. So, Beti and Sherri enlisted another ally: The Inspector. German. Gruff. Wears a short trench coat. Carries a magnifying glass and a checklist to make sure ALL surfaces are spotless. Green checkmarks are earned, complaints are delivered via stern glare. He’s not chatty, but he’s thorough—and terrifyingly effective.

Time passed, and the characters went into hiatus… until homework became a battlefield. My daughter was procrastinating on a study guide, and I knew I needed reinforcements.

Enter Tutor Teri. Think Mary Poppins: British, bifocals, tiny handbag filled with magic (or maybe just pens and a ruler). With her charming efficiency, homework was completed, test aced, and my sanity partially preserved.

Parenting hack level: expert.

Do you have a fictional character, clever trick, or just plain weird parenting hack that actually works? Share it in the comments—I’m always looking for new recruits for the parenting dream team.